More than sentences...

...nothing less than brilliance.

Here are some more headlines from various news sites. Enjoy!

"Police: Dad threw 4 kids off high bridge." Not just any bridge would do, but a high one was in need. My father has 4 children and when Mama went bowling on Wednesday, Pops took us to Southdale Shopping Mall (the world's first in-door mall). I am very lucky that my father witnessed, whilst in college, the apparent suicide of a man via high bridge otherwise I am sure my bratty self would've been tossed off of one just "to see." My Dad is a big "let's see what this does" kind of man. Yesterday, he poured soy sauce all over a very nice pork roast just "to see."

"Katrina victims sue US for $3,014,170,389,176,410" It kinda looks like PI but they'd have to sue for $127,422,264,613,383 to make it add up. I did the math, go fuck yourself! And I'd be fine with them fleecing America for that much more if it gave them back what they lost. I am just pissed that they are trying to redefine the concept of "losing." One motherfucker seriously sued for THREE QUADRILLON dollars. He probably lost three quadrillion molecules of carbon dioxide he would've inhaled having lived in the house he neglected to insure for hurricane damages. A dollar a molecule? Shit, I pay $3 a gallon for petrol. I'd believe it.

"Stolen Picasso returned." Why? Why not throw it in the trash? I could paint the crap he did with my left foot and some puffy paints.

"Swedish company to harness body heat to warm office builing." The only thing that could make me want to move to Sweden more right now is if I got a job in that building. They melt the snow off their streets by lining up their sewer systems under the pavement so the steam off their poo will warm the asphalt and thus no more snow. No shoveling. No plowing. No throwing your back out navigating on foot. Shit-steamed walkways. Unbelieveable! And now...an office building probably warmed by people fucking a lot at work. That's the only way. I am there!

"Johnny Cash tribute canceled." It's because I have a date tomorrow at a very pretty restaurant. Probably the prettiest restaurant in America! AZIA: Asian fusion by the seasons. Sorry, Johnny. It's Samantha's turn! The date is probably going to suck but too much energy can not perpetuate through the white trash people at once. It's either Johnny Cash gets his due or I get to go on a date. One or the other. Too much yang makes for chaos and then tankers might explode in Florida....or a woman might win a primary in New Hampshire...or Dr. Phil might try and save an imploding starlet...or we might declare war for no apparent reason....

...I didn't mean to go there and YES!! I realize all those things have happened. I ain't illiterate.

Here is how date is going to go:

Sam: I'll have the Shockomoto roll and let me see here...do I want a beverage that will save my life or extend my life? (looks up at date over menu)

Date: hehehhehehehhehehe....I'm going to have a beer.

Sam: I got drunk here once. It was my 26th birthday.

Date: {something I don't listen to}

Sam: I guess I'll have an Iced Tea. But, did you know that muscadine red wines might save your life? I'm just thrilled about it.

Date: Yeah {and more of something I don't listen to}

Sam: I wonder what my friend Jeramy is doing right now. He's cool.

Date: I know a Jeremy {and some anecdote about Jeremy I don't listen to}

Sam: Isn't it really cold out-did you know that this was such a bad neighborhood like years ago and now WHAM! The worlds most beautiful restaurant RIGHT here?!?

Date: I-

Sam: That was rhetorical. I love it here. (caresses table) I like this table. I want to have a son who is a carpenter someday and he will make a table like this for his mother. With pride. I am so excited. I can't wait.

Date: You-

Sam: Did you hear me? I said I can't wait!

.....just be lucky you weren't invited along.

Kisses!