Hurmmmm.....

Hold on kids, this is going to be intense:

I have been saving blurbs for the past week or so and want to share them and my initial reactions with you all.

What I ask of you is to read this blog with complete and total trust that I am reponding the way most people should and would.

Britney said earlier this year when responding to a reporter's question about "how her court date went?" And Britney responded with the following statement: "Eat it. Lick it. Snort it. Fuck it." Well, all I can say is brevity is her strong suit.

"Do dyslexics make better CEOs?" Did they mean OECs?

"Man gets breast implants for his tattoo." And when I read this I thought to myself "was that 'in lieu of' getting a tattoo or did he get breast implants for a tattoo." I didn't read further but I wish I would have.

"I developed a new and improved version of the multiple choice test." THIS was said by a pharmacist that I work with. I didn't stay for the explanation because I don't believe in entertaining idiocracy. Which, by the way, was a super good movie.

"What is swedenborgian?" It sounds cryptic and delicious all at once.

"Jamie Lynn Spears expecting / video" No, I think watching the girl get pregnant is almost as illegal as her getting pregnant. By a middle-aged man.

"Nope, I'm sure of it." I really just like the structure of this sentence. It starts out very pop-culturely negative and then softly gives you the affirmative.

"Why Elizabeth Edwards isn't Hilary Clinton." Besides the obvious.

"Blade Runner: The Complete Ultimate Visionary Final Cut Collector's Edition." Dave Eggers thought he had the world's best title for anything until now. "A Hearbreaking Work of Underachiving Assholicsness" my ass. Blade Runner so wins. Plus, Eggers is a dick and not super geniuslike.

"Man buys pickup with loose change." This breaks my heart. Really, some people are so salty and kumbiya I want to cry. He probably has never had sushi in his entire life. Sucka!

"Take the poison. Take the plate." I want to get Britney in a room and repeat this to her over and over again. Think about it. It's not that I want her dead, it is just that she is ruining everyones life. Take it, Brit.

"Don't make Anna Nicole's mistakes." As far as I am concerned the only mistake she has ever made is taking the poison and the plate. Capeesh.

"See how people use the web to find meaningful answers." This lead into a web tutorial on how to ask a search engine to find out shit like 'who is Mike Huckabee anyway?' or 'are dogs really allergic to chocolate?'

"Jessica Andres: Stay Out of Town (betch)" This was on the side of a cargo train car passing through my 'hood. And that betch better stay clear especially because they dotted the 'i' with a Mr. Poison symbol. This would be my worst nightmare. Someone spray painting nonsense and threats about me around town BEHIND my back. Just give me a heads up.

"Dumb way to Ruin Retirement." If The Gap opened up a store that sold chocolate and had a bar inside, I'd be fucked. For life. No two ways.

"How many shirts did you get for Christmas?" I think that this has replaced the whole 'what did you get for Christmas' question by far. I got about one whole shirt (Florida Seminole's shirt. WTF?). I only gave one shirt (it was a pretty awesome Star Wars hip hop shirt...you know it's awesome if you want it for yourself for no apparent reason). But people get a lot of shirts for Christmas. It's the go-to. Like socks and brandy.

That is all. How many shirts did you get for Christmas? AND just an FYI...my birthday is about 10 short shopping days away.