Collecting

I have recently become a collector of frozen dinners.

This really troubles me. I think that I must own one of each. And I don't know why. I've never been a "collect them all" type of person except for Bonnie Bell Lip Smackers and feminine blouses from Free People. But the other day at the grocery store while I was there to purchase strawberries and cottage cheese for the "Breakfast Potluck" at work, I nearly sprinted to the frozen food aisle to check out what was in stock and if I needed to purchase it not to eat but just to have. I only really eat one frozen food entree (Healthy Choice Panini) and all the rest clog up the freezer but I rest comfortably knowing that I have them.

I escaped with no new additions to my collection but a very aware sense that I possess some sort of collecting pathology. I need some hyponosis. Stat!

So. One another note. The date! I know you all have been super curious.

Well, just to get in the frame of mind on the big date day I went to a bagel shop and flirted for about 2 minutes too long with the boys there. I went from being a hit and not getting charged for my bagel OR coffee to Martin (who is adorable) saying "You can go to work now." But then he winked.

Then I renewed my license at the ghetto DMV and flirted once again with the very handsome gentleman who helped me out. And I think I said the following phrases:

"But that guy was a dick." "It's not like I get shit-faced everyday." and "I look like I am staring at a leg of lamb in that picture. Do OVER!"

I might as well have said "I am white trash. Let's have sex!"

As for the date, I got there early and read about 15 pages in my book while sipping delicious iced tea and coming to realize that the waiter for the evening was an old client of mine. But I weigh about 10 pounds more now so I am hoping he didn't recognize me as well.

To the date I told stories about my high school boys basketball team, told him I love Grain Belt Premium and that I hate to travel, and admitted to someday hoping that I contract Alzheimers. Late on-set of course. Oh, and I lied to him about my closet smoking habit. I smoke one cigarette a week on my Friday evening drive home from work. But hey, a lie is a lie THUS I can never see him ever again.

He told me he drove a limo once and people were "going at it like crazy" in the back seat and he really like Busch Light beer. I cried a little inside when he said he wanted some dessert. Don't get me wrong; SUPER nice guy, not for me in any way.

On a happy note, I discovered some fantasy I would like to execute someday. I would like to make-out in a coat closet someday. Just like SJP did with the politician on that episode of "Sex in the City." Nothing hard-core. It could even be my own personal coat closet.

I called my friend Lee and his husband on the way home to let them know I was still alive and the guy didn't trap me in a sewer drain and hack off my knees (which I think happens to some girls on dates) and then went to the grocery store where the first part of this blog was inspired from.

It's been a long week.