Wallet Chains & Back Pocket Hankies

Hurmmmmm....in poetry.

I worked with a guy, he was tall
With a peacockish gait and Vans in all styles
He wore silly hats advertising Welders,
and he wore both a wallet chain and a back pocket hankie

I hate poetry.

So yeah, until I met this guy (his name was Josh and he looked like a Who from Whoville only a seven foot tall Who and he repeatedly touched my left shoulder and threw his trash in the bin behind my chair) I was all for wallet chains or back pocket hankies. They are very purposeful and serve a purpose and might be purposed as an adornment or purposely worn as some sort of gang symbolism. I don't know, but they are indeed "a little special." To me at any rate!

I was given a reading by a psychic years ago and he said I would bear 3 male children and I immediately went to Gander Mountain and saw these wallets attached to chains that one can secure onto a belt and then never be pickpocketed ever again and I thought to myself, "I better buy three of these bad boys," because then I would put identification cards and warning labels in the wallets and sew them into my son's trousers and then I could buy a leash (or mountaineering paraphenalia) and lasso my children together and never lose them and they would always be calmed by their mother's voice because I'd be near them. See, I'd be a good mother, I'm already looking out for the little fuckers right now. I know public schools ban wallet chains which is why I'd home-school and we'd pledge allegiance and maybe throw in an Our Father.

And then one Spring I was sent to purchase my Grandfather hankies and I couldn't find them anywhere (hello!?! Minnesota, home of the homer hankie) and I was pissed because it takes a very special person to purge themselves of mucus through their nose onto something purposed for such an act only to be washed and reused. Used and reused. It's full of snot and then it's not...you know you love me.

At any rate, why are they only a little special? Because not everybody recognizes their nuanced place in this world. Just like not everybody will be able to recognize the contributions this blogs next subject hath made to humanity; Marc Cohn.

But that's another time. Josh kind of double dipped and wore both with made me furious at times and I once purposed his hankie as something to dust the Whoville "Where the fuck is Christmas" expression right off his face. And I was like "Blow...give Mommy a good blow." But he politely took it back, folded it in a triangle and stuffed it back into his pocket jiggling and jangling all along with that wallet chain of his.

Yesterday, I saw a man finesse his wallet out of his saggy back pocket and it slipped almost acrobatically out of his hand but did not land upon the floor. No...it dangled about 6 inches above his ankles and he pulled the chain to retrieve the wallet instead of bending a little to actually grab the wallet. It was lyrical.

I'm babbling. Get ready for next time.