Where did the year go?

This is the ever present rhetorical question posed at the beginning of each and every holiday letter you will receive this year. I am going to share with you the very first Christmas letter my family received. And for confidentiality purposes names have NOT been changed because it is possible that these trailblazers have little to do with internet technology.

Enjoy! My interjections are within parentheses.

HAPPY HOLIDAY

Where did the time go again? (again?) Our family is doing really good so far (there is a whole 31 days for that to change). Jay & Trish have done some work to their home and it looks really nice. They had the outside painted and added a hot tub to the back yard. The kids are getting big (Thank God! They shrunk last year). Remy turned 12 in August and Daryq (who I heard questioned the grammatics of his name) 13 the end of November. They live here in Brainerd. (Thanks for clearing that up...the whole where "here" is)

Misty & her family live in Fargo and they are doing good too. Helen is 13 and (as luck would have it) will be 14 in February. Jason was 2 in May, he is such a stinker. (We are supposed to take this as a nonverbal way to say he is not potty-trained).

Roy & I had a good year. We went on 2 vacations. The first one was in February, we went to Hawaii and loved it. (I was beginning to be suspicious of their humanness). We flew to Honolulu and got on a cruise ship and sailed around to the other islands for 7 days, then we spent another 5 days in Honolulu and did lots of sight seeing. It was great! (Finally a great in lieu of good)

Our second trip was in October. We went on a National Park vacation (this is my dream honeymoon...driving the land and road-house loving...let's see Roy & Rita's take on it). We went on an 11 day trip, from here we went to Livingston, Montana, through part of Yellowstone Park, Mammoth Hot Springs. (did someone say Hot? and Mommoth? In the same sentence...sounds like my honeymoon come true) We got married there 30 years ago so we had our picture taken at the same place. From there we went to Idaho (yeah, that's what she said), to Utah, to Arizona, and back to Utah (because why not?), Colorado, Wyoming and through South Dakota and home. There are some beautiful National Parks in Utah, we liked the parks there better than the Grand Canyon (didn't I mention they were trailblazers) even though that (re: Grand Canyon) was nice (WTF?) too. We also visited Roy's uncle in Salt Lake City (and his copious underaged wives), we had a really nice visit. Oh there is so much to see in Utah. (I couldn't imagine these insights) Everybody always said, what do you see in Utah? There is a lot. (They don't know a lot of people)

And we are both lucky that both of our Dads are still with us and doing pretty good for their age.

We want to wish everybody a healthy and happy new year.

Merry Christmas

I am such an asshole, but the good thing about God is that he forgives. Especially, if you are super sorry.

The following is my Holiday letter. I hope you enjoy it.

Hey Everybody! It feels just like it was 365 days ago when I sat down to write about what happened to me in 2006. Boy, does time fly at the same exact rate it does every year.

Enough of making perfect sense and being adorable and more about what I did. Or, let's face it, who I didn't do. Haha...sorry Mom.

I rang in 2007 with 5 gay naked neighbors jumping off my balcony, but things didn't start to get interesting until the end of May in which I embarked on my first one-night stand. Everything was perfect until he called, so i guess you could say it was a one-night stand and a phone call. Well, can't do everything right.

One day in June I got drunk under a bridge. On another evening I took 15 Jello Shots. I caught a glimpse of my future husband and how he deals with pain and suffering. And in July my little brother got married to a person from Wisconsin.

I moved back to the great state of Minnesota in October and miss my Chicago brethren terribly, however, find the move was worth it to end up serving the public in a nonprofit setting and getting a bad, BBBAAAADDD haircut. To top it all off, those Chicago people never really loved me. they just liked all the free lap-dances. Hey, a girl has got to eat.

As I reflect on the past I regret not eating more cheese and giving up cigarettes. Afterall, that save-the-Earth-granola-eating bike messenger from the North-side wasn't worth it in the end.

I am thankful for you; the recipients of this letter. I hope you can forgive me for its candidness, but I am sure it is for my candidness that you love me.

I will leave you with the normal cliched pleasentries of "Have a Happy Holiday Season" and one of Al Pacino's; "Where's the booze? It's flowing like mud around here!"

All my love,

Sami